Nothing's As It Used To Be
by CriesofCapricorn
Summary: Not Fade Away". During Wesley's death scene to the alley scene, Illyria reflects on Wesley and the others, as well as times past.


**Illyria: (_sighs_)We are so weak.**

**Wesley: Yes. Yes, we are.**

I was wrong… about what I had once told Wesley. There are things in this dimension now that I cannot even begin to comprehend. Things have greatly changed since I last inhabited this world.

Moreover, the _people_ in this world have changed. These _humans_ believe they are living in a society that is actually succeeding; thinking they live in a tranquil world of peace and humanity. What fools they are…

I cannot blame them for the way they think though for I have altered as well. Eons ago, I was a true god among gods, hunter among vast acres of prey, and the most vicious creature mankind had ever laid their sorry eyes upon – before I'd rip them out of their sockets, that is. Men dared not whisper my named in fear that they would offend me. Respected demons worshipped the bloody fields I walked on in hopes that I would give their names glory. I was supreme and I held the fate of anyone who came across my path in the palm of my hand.

…and now I am servant; I walk beside humans and ensouled vampires – stand by Wesley's side, take Angel's orders, let the white-haired one ridicule me… I have become a pathetic 'smurf' – as Wesley calls me – whom can only dream of the days where I ruled this God-forsaken earth.

And yet those days were something no one in this lifetime would understand. In my time, followers who disobeyed their leader would be punished with cruel, unspeakable torture and death. And still Angel allows his workers to do what they please… it is no wonder this repugnant world is falling apart.

Nonetheless, there remains one thing that has changed in this world that… pleases me, I suppose. It's somewhat of an improvement; something I can almost… admire. And that is the quality of courage. Angel's followers… they are not fools, unlike the rest of the world, they knew what they were about to face. A squad composed of two vampires, two mortals, and an innocuous demon. What chance did they possibly have against demonic creatures that have been on this earth since the first dawn? I am sure they knew as well as I did that they didn't… have a chance, nor a hope, nor an assisting prayer. But they went into their battle nonetheless... we – they – are not so weak, after all.

And this is the difference between my world and theirs. Men of my time were no where near as prowess. In _my _world, men would see me and they would weep, plead, and fall upon fractured knees in prayers that I would spare them. I never did… only smile and quickly bring my hands to their neck.

When I saw Wesley tonight as I entered the room, my mind traveled to the men of my time. _Another fallen soldier,_ I thought. _Wesley is nothing more._ But I was wrong, once again. When he fell from mind-numbing pain and weakness and I knelt down to greet him, I saw something that amazed me. It was something I have never witnessed before in the warriors of my time. His breath reeked of liquor and blood escaped from him as water flows down a river, but he did not care. He was audacious. Death's greeting was moments away and he did not weep nor plead nor pray. Only when I suggested taking on Fred's form did he accept.

He knew, of course he knew all along. I took on Fred's shape and I addressed him in an adoring way – "My Wesley" I said, affectionate but artificial nevertheless. He whispered an "I love you" and I echoed his words. I planted kisses on his perspired face. And because I was long sick of watching men throughout centuries sob because of me, _I_ cried _in his stead_ – when he refused to – the one brave fallen warrior. I told him lies of his and the girl's souls being reunited in a few minutes when he passed on. In all manners, it was the Lie of all lies for I destroyed her soul when I entered her shell. But he seemed to believe the lies. And I continued to sob, say the things that she would say (_"We'll be together, my love – oh my love, my love"_).And then his liquor-breath ceased as well as his heartbeat – as does happen in all cases such as these. And he was gone. But he seemed happy because of what I did… for a courageous warrior… it was the least I could have done…

**Illyria: Nothing's what it used to be, is it?**

FINIS


End file.
